I am trying to be real about what I do, but I am so lost about how I am doing things. I have gotten involved with someone and although I enjoy their company most times, it is not what they wish for it to me from me. I thought I was very clear when I met the person that I wasn’t looking for a commitment; just a fuck buddy. We both agreed.
He’s married, I’m single and this is a fucking affair, pun intended.
I have been drifting further away from him because he used the l—- word, several times in the past two weeks. I have told him to stop since I can’t reciprocate it. He’s a cool person to hang with. We smoke a little bud, drink a little alcohol, fuck when we can; however, I am not looking for anything as a “couple” from him.
Lately, I have been looking into moving and he blatantly has incorporated himself into my living space uninvited as if he will be living there. His feelings are going to be truly hurt biiiiiiigggg time because I have no intention of having anyone live with me.
I have never lived on my own (had my own place) and I plan on enjoying this newfound freedom of not having anyone in my personal space if I don’t want them to. This man has no intention of being honest with his wife about me, so I don’t intend on being a mistress all my life.
This was the purpose of my desire to be in a polygamous relationship. I wouldn’t have to sneak around, being someone’s mistress. No lies, drama, or unexpected bs. Yet, because my ass had a 3 1/2 year itch in my pussy, I gave into this dude. He sure as hell wasn’t the first dude to want to get in my pants; and there have been a few that I have shot down. He isn’t a looker, but his personality is so sweet. That is why I think I fell for the position of spreading my legs for him. But, as of late, I have told him that I feel he is coming on a bit too strong, more than I want him to, despite our initial conversation about what was expected with our fling.
Feelings always have a way of popping up and I hate that this man believes he has feelings for me. I have stopped texting/video chatting with him as often as I used to as a measure to de-escalate the situation; if it ever could. The sad thing is that I am usually the person that blurts out that I have feelings for someone. It feels weird now that it is happening the other way around.
My main goal is to focus on what I need to do for myself to be free and happy. I live in an environment where I have to move out and so far I am on the right path. I am not sacrificing that for no one! Every time I make plans to do better for myself, I fuck up and include someone else in it, and then I am back to square fucking one again. Not this time. I am actually staying focused on my goal. I have money saved up; never did that before. I am happier without trying to have a relationship with someone; at least one I thought would be long term (which it never does).
All I wanted was to have a quickie; not a history.
It was more fun when he just left things the way they were; without feelings. Now, I have to back up from my presence with him to avoid unnecessary drama and bs from him or his wife.
What makes it worse is that he even got a room that he rents; I guess to have as his love nest, but I am not putting myself in that place. Chances are since that he told me he shared information about renting a room with his wife; although he swears she would never go to it, she would mysteriously pop up one day especially if and when I may or may not be naked while over there. I have never fought any woman over a man and I have no intention of doing so; especially since I have no plans on being in a long term or true relationship with that man.
With the ever-spinning world of sex toys, I really don’t need to be with this man. That is exactly why I am cutting my time off with this man. For the past week every time he has asked me to spend time with him, I have declined. Limited phone conversation is good enough and even then I do my best to lead the conversation to avoid his declarations of love or meeting up for a sexual tryst. I didn’t intend for it to be as many weeks as it has been now; a month. It’s only a fucking month!
I really wish that he would’ve not caught feelings and would’ve just listened to our plans of not having any feelings involved.